Aug
2020

[a thing]

categories: change, faith, family, intentional, new normal

I did a thing a couple of weeks ago. If you had asked me ten years ago if I would ever get a tattoo the answer would have been a resounding no. But seasons change and a few years ago I started thinking about it and over the last year started thinking about it a lot.

I spent a lot of time figuring out what I wanted. I wanted it to mean something to me if I was going to place something on my body for the rest of my life.

I had decided what I wanted and with some good advice waited to make sure it was really what I wanted. But about 3 months ago I changed my mind. I had seen a quote from Jim Elliott that I hadn’t heard before.

If you don’t know who Jim Elliott is, click here. He, along with 4 other missionaries, were killed in the 1950’s by the people group they were trying to reach. While their deaths were tragic, through their deaths a people group who had never heard the Gospel did hear it. And they heard it from the families of those they killed. A movement of Jesus in that tribe was born.

When I started this blog a few years, I had grandiose ideas that it would take off and that I had something to say that others wanted to hear. Well, it really only serves for me to capture my thoughts in writing. The title “random thoughts of a wife and mom embracing this season of life” birthed from conversations I had with younger moms of littles who were overwhelmed and tired. My words to them were always to enjoy the season you are in because it goes by so quickly. When my kids were little I never wanted to wish away those years. Yes I was tired physically, but I knew they would one day be gone. And when I am emotionally tired with teenagers and young adults today, I don’t want to wish this season away either. It too will be gone one day.

So the quote “wherever you are, be all there” sums up my life motto. I don’t always get it right but it brings peace to my soul and a desire to trust God everyday that He has me right where He wants me.

“He is like a tree planted beside flowing streams that bears its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Psalms 1:3 CSB


Apr
2020

[another]

categories: covid-19, five minute fridays, intentional, new normal, purposeful

Today ends another week of quarantine…5 to be exact.  In some ways I haven’t seen any major changes.  As an extreme introvert, staying home for days on end doesn’t bother me one bit, but my kids and husband not so much.

The first few weeks were tough as we tried to get into a rhythm of working from home full-time, 3 college kids trying to finish out the semester online and one high schooler trying to do the same. No homeschooling for me as I know some parents of smaller children are having to do, but let me tell you no matter how old they are they can still be high maintenance 😊

As we adjust to another week of not leaving the house, all using the wi-fi at the same time, Zoom meetings, conference calls, etc., there have been some positives.  We are all healthy and we still love each other (for now).  I have made dinner more over the last 5 weeks than I have over the last year.  I have spent more intentional, purposeful time in my Bible and I have actually finished one book and am partially through another.  

I know all of this will pass and to quote a sister in Christ, let’s not waste this quarantine.  So that’s what I am trying to do, not waste it, as we head into another week of this new normal.


Jan
2020

[one word 2020]

categories: change, faith, oneword365

I spent the better part of December thinking about what my oneword365 would be for 2020. I created a Note on my phone and as words came to me through people, articles I read or my Bible reading, I would add them to the list. As I spent time looking at the list I created, I realized that all of the words could be wrapped up in one of the those words in some way. My word for 2020 is transformation.

Merriam-Webster defines “transform” as change in composition or structure; to change the outward form or appearance or to change in character or condition. I searched my bible app for verses that relate to transformation and there are a few but two stood out to me…

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17 CSB

“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God.” – Romans 12:2 CSB

I was struggling with choosing this word because it seems so large and well, big. It seems like some overnight change in my life that changes everything and others will notice right away and want to know what “get rich quick” scheme I used. This introvert really just wants to make small everyday changes that go pretty much unnoticed by others.

But I think that small, daily changes will bring about transformation over time. I’m not looking for a big wow factor, but a slow and steady change that will stick throughout 2020 and beyond. I’ve made many “resolutions” to eat better, lose weight, exercise more, share Jesus more, read my Bible more, but over time those “resolutions” fade for many reasons but mostly because I wanted the end result now without putting in the work necessary to achieve them.

So in 2020, I will be focusing on daily changes holding to God’s promise that because He is faithful, I will not perish. His mercies never end and they are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).


Jun
2019

[world]

categories: faith, five minute fridays

The world became a much bigger place for me when I went on my first international mission trip. It wasn’t to any exotic beach, island or some resort destination. It was to an area of the world where indoor plumbing and air conditioning are a luxury. Electricity would flicker throughout the day and the call to prayer could be heard everywhere at certain times of the day. There were sites and sounds of things I had never experienced. Language barriers made communication difficult but not impossible. I learned about cultures different from mine. I also learned that a smile and a hug is universal no matter the place.

But I was a foreigner in a “world” that was not my own. I learned that my world was not better and theirs was not worse, just different. I learned to embrace the customs of those I was visiting. I learned a hospitality I had never experienced before.

I came back to my “world” a much different person with a respect and compassion towards those in my own community who may feel like foreigners in mine.

I see the world much different today than I did those 9 years ago and I am grateful for the subsequent and future opportunities.


Jan
2019

[love]

categories: change, faith, family, oneword365

My oneword365 for 2019 is love. If I’m truly honest, I don’t love well. I am a pretty selfish person and my desires to do what I think God wants me to do in ministry and volunteer work may be getting in the way of me loving my family and friends well. In fact, I’m not sure I have been doing what God wants me to do for many years. I have let my calling of being a wife and mom take second stage. I’ve also let sharing Jesus with those who need to know Him fall behind doing things for Him. I’ve let doing things for the Lord become more important than my relationship with the Lord.

So in 2019, I plan to dive deep into Scripture and see just what it says about love and how I can love Jesus more and go deeper in the relationships that He’s set before me. I hope to share what God shows me here on these pages.

Photo credit

Sep
2018

[september]

categories: change, faith, family, oneword365, organization, reading

September is the new January for many moms with kids still in school. My two younger kids actually went back to school two weeks ago. My oldest headed back up to New York yesterday to start his second year with Word of Life Bible Institute. So we haven’t gotten into our new normal routine yet. Today I opened my calendar to a fresh month. Not a blank slate because life doesn’t ever stop, but a chance to look over my life for the next 30 days. I can’t look much past that right now.

My one Word for 2018 is “simplify.” What have I done over the last eight months that would reflect to others that I am simplifying my life. Probably not much…I’m still just as busy, maybe even busier than I want to be, my husband lost his job of 27 years, a child who has made some really bad decisions that, honestly, we don’t know the long term effects as of right now.

But I do know that God is in control and that I have to remain faithful and obedient. And I have to trust that He’s got this. He’s shown Himself in many ways. My husband has a new job which has turned out to be a much bigger blessing than we anticipated. We’ll have to wait a little longer for the outcome for my son, but I know that He is teaching us something through it and that no matter the outcome, God is still good.

Simplifying my heart has been difficult. I knew it would be. One of my goals was to read through the Bible chronologically this year. I am on track as of right now. I pray that as I read the Word it will declutter my heart. The bitterness is fading. My hope was for restoration or at least genuine reconciliation, but God hasn’t provided that yet. But the days of lingering in the sorrow of a lost relationship are becoming easier.

Simplying my home is always a work in progress. I had to clean this past weekend because we invited a family over for dinner and a movie. I love the joy I experience while we fellowship but even more the joy I feel in my heart when my home is still clean the next day, even if only for a day. I want to bottle up that feeling to remind me why I should work a little everyday to make my home a sanctuary. I have an awesome friend who encourages me in this area and we hold each other accountable to declutter something every week.

God has provided a second person to my little discipleship group. It has changed the dynamic of the group but the conversations are wonderful. It’s amazing to me how coffee with friends can also satisfy my heart as I continue to learn to open myself up a little more each time. He also provided me two new ladies to fellowship with through short devotions on my Bible app.

God has shown me this year more than ever that the little things are so important to this journey and that I need to reflect on them more than I do. Coffee with friends, dinner and a movie, devotions with friends, any time with my husband and kids…He is in all of these things.

So as September blows in with all of the items on my calendar in this “new year…” ladies Fall Bible study, a few training classes/ conferences, kids gearing up for a new youth group year, uncertainty in some situations, I first need to look to Him for direction and guidance and then everything else will fall into place.


Jan
2018

[surrender]

categories: five minute fridays

Surrender – it is a dirty word to this rebellious spirit.  It means giving up control and I love being in control.  My body starts to go into mini convulsions when I feel like I am not in control or when I see control slipping through my hands.

It is not easy surrendering to Jesus, but it is so worth it.  He is so much more capable of handling situations than I am anyway.  I am learning this more and more everyday now that my oldest baby has flown the coop, albeit temporarily.  I cannot control where he goes, whom he hangs around, and who he chooses to listen to.  I can only trust that God loves him much more than I do and that everything we tried to teach him growing up is enough to help him make good decisions.  God has a plan for his life, and His plan is better than anything I could ever imagine, I know it.

This reminds me of Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  Abraham surrendered everything a second time.  First, he left everything he knew to go to a place that God had not even shared.  Now God was asking him to do the unthinkable.  However, Abraham knew without any doubt that God keeps His promises and that He had promised Isaac as his heir.  He may not have known how God would fulfill that promise but he trusted that He would somehow.

Surrendering my heart has been a journey, learning to give everything over to Him, instead of handling myself.  It’s always easier if we do it ourselves, right?  Maybe if I want the towels folded in a certain way, it is easier if I do it myself.  But does having the towels folded in a certain way really matter?  Does it teach my children anything if I do everything myself because I’m just that particular about how the towels are folded?

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  Maybe that’s how God feels when we try to do things our own way, whether it’s out of wanting control or just being too comfortable where we are.  I want to be uncomfortable; I want to surrender everything I have to the One who gave it all for me.


Jan
2018

[simplify]

categories: change, faith, oneword365

I have been praying over what word God would speak over me for 2018. Or if He would give me a word at all. Is it that important to focus so much on a word? Nevertheless there were three words that came to me…trust, forgive and unplug.

I dissected each word and why it would be important for my life in 2018. Trust is something I struggle with and it has affected my relationships over the years, especially with other women. I find it hard to open up and share the sacred pieces of my heart. But God has put a few women in my life over the last year that He has entrusted to me. Not all of them have blossomed the way I envisioned but one has and I am very grateful for His favor.

Forgiveness has been hard. My husband and I have been hurt over the last few years by someone in a leadership position in our church. Oh don’t get me wrong…we share in some of the blame but the relationship is superficially reconciled, but not what it used to be. I’m not sure it ever will be. It has affected our ministry but I’m tired of the bitterness in my heart and am ready to trust God with that person.

Unplug refers to how much time I spend on social media. And while much of who I follow and much of what I read is on spiritual things, it is still a distraction from my relationship with Jesus, my family and friends.

I came across this quiz by Dayspring to help determine your one word for the new year. You answer a few questions about what you want in 2018 and it spits out a word. I took the quiz hoping it would confirm one of the three words above. But it didn’t. It brought back “simplify.”

I pondered on that word most of yesterday. It wasn’t what I was thinking of at all. But then it started to make some sense. My life has been complicated by unforgiveness, bitterness, social media and a fear of going deeper in my relationships. Simplifying, decluttering my life, could help with all three areas.

Opening up my home more often and inviting others in, not only for dinner or dessert, but for meaningful conversation and building life long friendships. Of course this means decluttering my house to be able to invite others in so they have a place to sit down.

Simplifying my heart or uncluttering it will be more difficult. It will take effort and a lot of prayer for God to “create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalms 51:10 CSB). I will be reading through the Bible this year. I’ve read through the Bible before but this will be the first time reading it in chronological order. Focusing on the Word, I know my heart will be softened and I will be able to hear from Him more clearly. Simplifying social media (or reducing it significantly) will help to make more time for more important things.

So my one word for 2018 will be simplify. Happy New Year!


Oct
2017

[revise]

categories: five minute fridays, write 31 days

Today is day 24 of the write 31 challenge and I haven’t done a great job at all.  I started out strong in week 1 and floundered after that.  But the very wise Kate Motaung said, “just write.”  So here I am, starting again and revising my outlook on this challenge.  It’s ok to miss a day, or a week, but we get back up and start again.

I like the five-minute Friday challenge because it really is a challenge to just write for five minutes and be satisfied with the words.  I find myself revising my words over and over again to get them just right.  I question whether what I wrote really came out as I intended, or is it just a rambling of words that aren’t connected?  I think I think too much.

So for the rest of the challenge I will just write and fight the urge to revise my thoughts.


Oct
2017

[write]

categories: five minute fridays, write 31 days

I have so many thoughts in my head and I think about putting them on paper (or a blog), but when I sit down to write out my thoughts, many times I draw a blank, even when I’m only supposed to write for 5 minutes.

I had this grandiose idea that I would start a blog and just write.  It really serves more as a public diary more than anything else, I guess.  I find it hard to “promote” my own words through social media.  It seems like bragging, but it’s probably more about a fear of self-promotion, or worse, no one reading what I write.

After finishing graduate school this summer and writing more than I ever wanted, I learned that I can write.  Now I just have to pray and see what God wants me to write about.