I was just perusing Facebook and saw this on the Proverbs 31 Online Bible study page…

What dead end are you dealing with tonight? Have you asked God for direction?

This sums up exactly how I am feeling right now with 31 Days of Writing. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. So I will be asking Him for direction and praying over this verse.

Letting my soul breath…I’m not really sure how to do this.  I have been so busy for so long that I don’t know how stop and sit on the bench.  I am reading Emily P. Freeman’s new book Simply Tuesday.

I have spent the last 12 years very involved in church ministry and just recently stepped down from all of my leadership roles with the exception of leading a women’s Bible study.  The Lord has been pressing upon my heart to build relationships.  I was so busy getting things done that a lot of times relationships were overlooked in and out of the church.  God made it clear that isn’t what He wanted from or for me.

I  am still seeking Him on what this looks like and I no longer feel guilt about what I’m not doing.  I am enjoying people  more and really focusing on building relationships through my Bible study and a small group I am a part of.

Hmmm…maybe He is showing me what it looks like.

Admitting that I am weak has been difficult for me over the course of my life.  I grew up in the 80’s where women were taught to be strong and to rely only on yourself because others will let you down. That hasn’t proven true over time but I still like to do things myself, because well, no one will do them as well as me., right?  For most of my life my worth has been based on performance. God is teaching me that my worth is not based on what I do but who I am and when I take on tasks that He hasn’t assigned to me, well, I’m just miserable.  I am choosing to be still in this season of my life and listen to Him as I study His Word and pray for His direction.  I am a doer, so sitting still and waiting is very difficult but I choose to so.  He has a plan and a place for me and for you.

I am learning to be ok with my weakness, because in it I am made strong through Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (HCSB)

So life happened this week and I wasn’t able to pull out posts on Wednesday and Thursday.  Wednesday night our church youth group participated in Fields of Faith.  It is an event that takes place on an athletic field where the students invite their friends and lead prayers for the community, leaders, schools, etc.  It took place after our local high school’s football game which ended much later than expected.  Thursday night my daughter had a volleyball and then I was playing catch-up for my Friday night Bible study.

Our Sunday night small group is reading through Thom Rainer’s newest book, “I Will.”  Tonight’s chapter focused on small groups and the importance of being in a small group.  He says that if we are not involved in a small group we are just marginal church members.  Since we have been active church members we have always participated in Sunday school which qualifies as a small group according to Mr. Rainer, but I have always longed for the relationships that are built from a smaller group of people that meet regularly outside of church.  Our church building is great but to me it can be a bit sterile as opposed to the warmness of someone’s home.

Part of our discussion was about why people don’t want to meet in homes anymore.  Have we lost our sense of hospitality?  Is the church building a safer place to meet?  Is there something about being in someone’s home that causes people to think that they must let down their guard and be real?

I will be the first to admit that I have to really trust someone before I will open up and share what’s on my heart.  It can be scary to think that you might open yourself up to someone who may not understand your situation, judge you, or worse shatter your trust by sharing information with others.

Regardless of where we choose to meet, does the chance that someone might hurt you override the chance that you might develop a relationship that brings you joy, someone who will pray for you, hold you accountable and stick with you for a lifetime?

I think we need to give ourselves grace and those we seek to develop a lasting relationship with grace to take that chance to be real.

I was listening to thepointedlife.com this week on Periscope and she made a comment that really hit home with me.  “Be the spotlight, not in the spotlight.”  For many years I have based my worth on good works, my accomplishments and what I can do in my strength.  This is what Christine Hoover calls the goodness gospel. But God is working on my heart and slowly teaching me that I only need to be a spotlight for Him.  It’s not about me, but about glorifying Him in how I live my life, how I relate to others and others see Jesus through me.

Today is what shereadstruth.com calls a grace day.  I am sure I will have a couple of these over the course of the month.  I’m going to be ok with that.