[surrender]

Surrender – it is a dirty word to this rebellious spirit.  It means giving up control and I love being in control.  My body starts to go into mini convulsions when I feel like I am not in control or when I see control slipping through my hands.

It is not easy surrendering to Jesus, but it is so worth it.  He is so much more capable of handling situations than I am anyway.  I am learning this more and more everyday now that my oldest baby has flown the coop, albeit temporarily.  I cannot control where he goes, whom he hangs around, and who he chooses to listen to.  I can only trust that God loves him much more than I do and that everything we tried to teach him growing up is enough to help him make good decisions.  God has a plan for his life, and His plan is better than anything I could ever imagine, I know it.

This reminds me of Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  Abraham surrendered everything a second time.  First, he left everything he knew to go to a place that God had not even shared.  Now God was asking him to do the unthinkable.  However, Abraham knew without any doubt that God keeps His promises and that He had promised Isaac as his heir.  He may not have known how God would fulfill that promise but he trusted that He would somehow.

Surrendering my heart has been a journey, learning to give everything over to Him, instead of handling myself.  It’s always easier if we do it ourselves, right?  Maybe if I want the towels folded in a certain way, it is easier if I do it myself.  But does having the towels folded in a certain way really matter?  Does it teach my children anything if I do everything myself because I’m just that particular about how the towels are folded?

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  Maybe that’s how God feels when we try to do things our own way, whether it’s out of wanting control or just being too comfortable where we are.  I want to be uncomfortable; I want to surrender everything I have to the One who gave it all for me.