[five minute friday – endings]

As 2015 comes to a close, I have been reflecting on all that has happened over the last 12 months.  I’ve written before on how God has me in a new season that I am still navigating.  My commitments at church changed significantly.  My full-time job changed significantly.  My spiritual journey changed significantly. I can look back now and see God’s hand all over it but during it I wasn’t sure what He had in store.  Only in the last two months has He revealed new opportunities, new friendships and a new ministry focus.

Even through all of the change and uncertainty I am peaceful.  There is more joy in our home. I am thoroughly enjoying my life as a mom of teenagers.  I haven’t conquered getting my house uncluttered and clean but maybe in 2016 I’ll figure that out, or maybe not.

I am excited for all that 2016 will bring.  My prayer is that all that happens He will be glorified and that all I do will be done in worship to Him.

Merry Christmas!

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[five minute friday – seasons]

I have been through many seasons during my 48 years…childhood, teenage years, college years, newly married, mom of littles, mom of teenagers (eek!). But the one thing I’ve tried so hard to do is to enjoy the season I am in. I remember when my babies were little and I was exhausted all the time and it seemed like we were going on a week’s vacation with all the stuff we had to carry just to go to the mall. I remember ladies smarter than me telling me to enjoy this season because when it’s gone you will miss it. I remember telling my husband when one or more kid would end up in our bed, that they won’t be doing this when their 16. And guess what, they don’t. And yes, sometimes I miss it. But I am really enjoying this season of teenagers. Yes it has it’s moments as they mature and assert their independence but the conversations we can have are awesome. And I don’t have to carry a ton of stuff just to go the mall.

 

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[five minute friday – dwell]

Dwell – it’s just a word but it can bring about so many different feelings, both positive and negative. How I choose to react to it can be the difference between giving up or pressing on.

It’s been a rough couple of years at my church. Some things I contributed to, some not. I easily could have chosen to leave and no longer dwell in my unhappiness but I choose to dwell and worship my Lord with a group of people who are near and dear to my heart. I choose to continue serving although in a very different capacity. I am following God’s guidance and life is so much better when I listen to Him over my feelings.

There has been a lot of change in my job this past year. Some good, some not so good. While it would be so easy to leave I choose to dwell and finish the race I have started. God has me there for a reason and I will continue to try to glorify Him in all I do. He has taught me so much already.

I am in a very different season of my life right now and honestly when I entered it I was not completely comfortable with it. I’m not completely there yet but God has given me a peace and He has taken away my desire to go back to it and to no longer dwell on what was but to dwell on what is and what will be.

He is pointing me in a new direction and I am dwelling on the time I get to spend with my husband of almost 25 years and our 3 children. He even put on my heart to go back to school to get a Master’s degree. Just a couple of months ago I would have said it was a crazy idea but I am all registered and set to go in January. I will definitely be dwelling in His presence over the next couple of years.

These arrived in the mail today.  My heart is happy.

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[five minute friday – weary]

Weary…it brings up feelings of tiredness, hopelessness, anxiousness. I am not in a season of physical or emotional weariness right now but I have been there. The weariness that I am in right now is spiritual.

Not feeling like I spend my time well with God. That my prayers are not good enough, that my journaling (when it happens) is not good enough. When I see prayer journal pictures on Instagram or quiet time spaces in people’s homes I feel inadequate.

But does God keep a scorecard on how well we “do” quiet time or is He just excited that we actually choose to spend time with Him? Talking to Him like we would our best girlfriend about our day. I choose to believe it’s the latter.

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[five minute friday – dance]

I decided to join the five minute friday party this week. I have been struggling to get a blog going and thought this might be a good way to get started.

This week’s topic is dance…which I don’t do. Oh I took tap and ballet as a small child but at that age it doesn’t matter because no one can dance. Recitals are made up of parents and grandparents those in oohing and aahing and laughing at all the sweetness on the stage and dance teachers doing their best to at least keep the dancers in a straight line. My daughter is a dancer and a cheerleader. She was born with rhythm.; maybe it skips a generation.

While driving today I heard the song Marvelous Light which was quite appropriate for this week’s topic. Part of the lyrics are:

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that I have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

There are times when I am worshipping in song that I can feel the desire to jump and down for my Lord. I don’t, but you never know when it might happen…

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[rest]

I really look forward to Saturdays where we have absolutely nothing on the calendar.  As an introvert, staying at home in my PJs with a hot cup of coffee, a good book or movie is about as joyous a time as I can have.  No schedule, no time clock, no agenda…just time to rest my mind and my soul.  With so many responsibilities during the week I need that time to unwind, to rejuvenate and to think about what God really wants me to do for Him.  I used to feel guilty for not being busy or not doing something the world (and sometimes the church) thinks I should be doing.  I overpacked my schedule for so many years with activity, some really good and worthy activities.  But God has a different path for this season of my life and it clearly includes more time with Him and my family.

While I still use these days to catch up on some things, like laundry or going through all the mail from the week or even balancing my checkbook (which by the way I love to do) these are activities that I complete without pressure and without a timeframe.  I also get to spend more time with this one…the only one of my 3 who still likes to cuddle.

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Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.  Psalm 62:1

[seek]

I was just perusing Facebook and saw this on the Proverbs 31 Online Bible study page…

What dead end are you dealing with tonight? Have you asked God for direction?

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This sums up exactly how I am feeling right now with 31 Days of Writing. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. So I will be asking Him for direction and praying over this verse.

[letting my soul breathe]

Letting my soul breath…I’m not really sure how to do this.  I have been so busy for so long that I don’t know how stop and sit on the bench.  I am reading Emily P. Freeman’s new book Simply Tuesday.

I have spent the last 12 years very involved in church ministry and just recently stepped down from all of my leadership roles with the exception of leading a women’s Bible study.  The Lord has been pressing upon my heart to build relationships.  I was so busy getting things done that a lot of times relationships were overlooked in and out of the church.  God made it clear that isn’t what He wanted from or for me.

I  am still seeking Him on what this looks like and I no longer feel guilt about what I’m not doing.  I am enjoying people  more and really focusing on building relationships through my Bible study and a small group I am a part of.

Hmmm…maybe He is showing me what it looks like.

 

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[diving in]

I took a bold leap of faith yesterday and created my own domain and setup a website using Bluehost.  I had previously been using a free blog site but if I am going to get serious about writing then it’s time to do it right.  The 31 days of writing has really given me a chance to pray and seek God’s wisdom and direction about blogging more regularly.  I am still seeking what it is He wants me to write about specifically but I know He will.  Bear with me as I get the site set up.  Your grace is appreciated.

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[weakness]

Admitting that I am weak has been difficult for me over the course of my life.  I grew up in the 80’s where women were taught to be strong and to rely only on yourself because others will let you down. That hasn’t proven true over time but I still like to do things myself, because well, no one will do them as well as me., right?  For most of my life my worth has been based on performance. God is teaching me that my worth is not based on what I do but who I am and when I take on tasks that He hasn’t assigned to me, well, I’m just miserable.  I am choosing to be still in this season of my life and listen to Him as I study His Word and pray for His direction.  I am a doer, so sitting still and waiting is very difficult but I choose to so.  He has a plan and a place for me and for you.

I am learning to be ok with my weakness, because in it I am made strong through Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (HCSB)